The Inevitable Cold Feet

Okay, so at one point or another in every exchange student's journey they will inevitably freak out about leaving and begin to talk themselves out of going. I have been going through that recently, and I noticed there weren't a lot of blog posts out there about this aspect of going abroad. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful, amazing friend (Dani) to help me remember why I want to go abroad in the first place.

So, lately I had been feeling conflicted, because all my life I have dreamt of getting out of my town and traveling and just seeing the world (yes I do know how cliche that sounds but it's true), and now that it's finally happening I've begun to realize all the stuff I enjoy that I take for granted. I stopped viewing Spring as an awful prison trapping me here, and I realized this place isn't so bad. I've changed a lot this past year, and now I have discovered sides to me that I really like. I began to be happy and satisfied with my little bubble, where I would eat almost completely clean, fresh produce, go to yoga and meditation, go to work, etc. I began seeing the beauty in the long sidewalk lined with trees by my house and the familiar comfort and easiness of my life here. I started realizing just how hard it would be to have to create a new niche for myself if I left, and so it began. My cycle of ruminating, thinking the sam e string of thoughts over again, going back and forth between going and staying.

My lifestyle and beliefs are different to the majority of people, and my originality tends to sometimes create problems as people attach the "hippie" stereotype to me. However, here I've managed to surpass that stigma, but I'm worried that in a new place where I don't know the culture or speak the language it will be very hard for me to be able to express myself and show people who I really am. Plus, I thrive on deep, philosophical conversations but when I can barely string together a basic sentence it makes it kind of hard to have talks like that. And another one of my concerns was just the unknown. I like being in control of situations, and that is not going to be the case in Italy.

However, I finally talked with Dani and she really helped me. She reminded me that the whole point of studying abroad isn't to mindlessly be absorbed by another culture, but to share your own culture as well as learn about another one. So I can take the aspects of both cultures that fit me and become a better version of myself.

There was way more to our talk but that was the main conclusion I drew from it. I guess the point of this was to help other exchange students realize that it's completely normal to have second thoughts and we all go through it. But we have to be able to overcome our fear and charge into the unknown in order to have a great adventure. So that's all for now! :) Quick update on my life- I had my last day of work yesterday and it was pretty sad, I'm going to miss all my coworkers. I'm going to Florida on Wednesday, and then I come back for 3 days and head off to New York, Boston, and Canada with my family! Then, when I get back it's seriously time to start preparing to leave for Italy.

Ciao! Xoxo <3

-- Tami